He woke up slowly with a full bladder. These damned pills!
It was cold as he reached for the old Tchav bottle next to the bed. Once again, he valued the advice of Mr Frommer - or was it Baedeker? - in one of these travel guides he had bought at a sale years ago. What a good idea, rather than getting out in the cold, to use an empty bottle! Frommer wrote that he used a rubber hot water bottle when he traveled on a sleeper train to avoid a long walk to the toilets and thought it was a good enough idea to pass the advice on to male members of his readership.
He carefully manipulated his flaccid member - it used to be different in the early morning - into the bottleneck. That was one disadvantage of not being circumcised: if he was too eager to start his leak, there was the distinct risk of backfire - as he thought of it ,for lack of a more appropriate term. This time, things worked out alright and with a contented feeling he let go.
Earlier that night his wife had left open the door to the basement where she had gone to see if it was still flooded after the snow had started melting. The week before, a rat had taken up residence down there notwithstanding the risk of cats or, worse yet, snakes. Probably the reptiles were now either hibernating or threatened off by some nasty glue pads the exterminator had stuck against the beams. Anyhow, the rat felt uncomfortable with all the water and tripped along the high and dry part of the floor along the wall to the wooden steps and from there made his way upto the partly open door at the top.
|The rat sniffed and decided the environment up there was safe and decidedly more comfortable than down below. She made her way into the bathroom, and from there to the bedroom.||She sniffled along under the overhang of the king-size bed, past the old slippers, till suddenly she heard a dry cough high up above her.|
In panic, she jumped into the neck of the empty Tchav bottle which was lying there next to the overturned open book and looked like a rathole in the dark.
The rat panicked when the man picked up the bottle and made her slide down to the bottom of the bottle. Looking up, the rat saw a snake-like object entering throught the entrance of the hole. The snake or worm did not crawl down, but started to spout warm water down,hitting her in the upturned face. The indignity of the situation was unbearable. Something had to be done, and done fast. There was no other way out of her predicament, so she firmly wedged herself against the wall and struck out and up at the torturer which was blocking her exit.
that's it. Unless you want to hear more ? . . .
The man felt a keen pain when the sharp teeth of the rat grabbed hold of the end of his spout. He tried to throw the bottle down, but the rat held on for life. The man yelled out in pain, making the rat more scared and determined to action. While the man gingerly tried to pull his thing out of the bottleneck, the rat used all her strength and pulled it in. She did not stop when the man's weak underbelly was pulled tight against the top, but dragged on and on.
Remember the trick of getting an egg into a milkbottle? You set a piece of paper on fire with a match, throw it in the bottle, and just before the flame threatens to die, you put the hardboiled, peeled egg on the top of the bottle. You hear a sickening thud, and there the egg goes and flops right into the bottle, something you would never expect to be possible.
Well, the rat's determination was as strong as the bottle's vacuum. The man was pulled down into the bottle, first his belly, then, when he doubled up awkwardly and backward, at the same time his upper body and his thighs passed along the bottleneck, and finally his head and his feet made it through. He landed with a thump and readjusted his position. He looked down and saw the rat's teeth deeply embedded. To his surprise, it did not hurt anymore but felt like a dull disembodied sensation. He looked up and saw the bottleneck. He would never make it up through tha tsmall opening, he thought.
He did not panic, but decided to keep a clear mind and think out a solution to the problem. Strangely, he seemed more concerned getting out of the bottle than freeing himself from the intimacy inflicted on him by the rat. This situation started to resemble a Stephen King novel. He must be having a nightmare! That's it, of course, there's the way out!... Well, you now can select which ending you prefer: