DEDECAYTION to DEANS, Ben Oostdam story # 206
Ben Oostdam story # 206

dean, A Dean, THE DEAN, My Dean, our dean

rhymes with "sardine"

A Dedecaytion to or of Deans!

tiny tinney voice
- probably of someone's conscience_:
"doesn't the bloke mean "deification?"

Our feelings on deans are diverse
Than other 1's always far worse
Should we judge person or rank?
Or just pull a blank
And end this atrocious verse?

Yes, indeed, that's just how I feel about damn-their-deans.

For a decade of summer courses on the shore

we used to suffer or enjoy their "inspection" visits

and take them for maitais, shrimps, oysters or rides.

Then in 1983 I got elected to our Dean Selection(or 'Search"??) Committee ...

What a golden opportunity to find out what deans are made up of! (sp)

  • There were 67 applications, 60 from males, 2 from females and zero (admitted)transgenders

    that means many deanths
    and meaneth few deaness'es

    SMALL VOICE FROM A PIT: Let Dean clean what's mean! I mean . . .

  • By race or origin, there were at least 1 Latin American and 2 Asiatics

    CHORUS: What, no blacks? And why so many WASPS?

  • By age, they ranged in DOB from 1921 to 1948

    CHORUS: please tell us more more more ... it's almost 1984 !

  • ok, the mean age was 1937 + or minus one standard deviation of 7 years?

    CHORUS: more about the mean guys and that youthful deviate, please....

    VOICE FROM THE PIT: don't you mean useful pc defoleyate?

  • 17 of them dated from the second world war (1940-1945 fyi) !! ..

    VOICE FROM THE PIT: and when did they stop dating??

    CHORUS (I rate): we need more dope!

  • O K O K O K : here's the hysterextricate histogram:

    Awgh let us click
    HICkUP hic
    for the birthdate
    to magnificate!!
    click on the
    dumb thumnail, man,
    to make it larger . . .


  • 66 of the 67 applicants earned Ph.D. degrees, the earliest earned in 1947, the last in 1978

    CHORUS:good show! more details, please

  • the average year of PhD award was 1967 with a standard deviation of 7 years (1967 +/- 7)

    CHORUS: more??!

  • most of the Ph D degrees (9) were granted in 1969

    CHORUS:What about the historygraph or whatsoever you call it?!

  • voici the histogram, that is, the graph showing the classes of year of Ph.D. award:

    Awgh let us click
    HICkUP hic
    for the PhD award date
    to magnificate!!
    click on the
    dumb thumnail, man,
    to make it larger . . .


  • Most of the Ph.D.'s were in BIOLOGY (29), topped by ZOOLOGY (9)

    CHORUS: Splendid!!! They'll do well in this ZOO, won't they??

  • The other disciplines represented, in descending order, follow:


    CHORUS: We are bored oh so bored
    do something more exciting!

  • The applicants' Ph.D.'s were awarded from 39 U.S. and 4 foreign institutions.

    CHORUS: like, from where, man?

  • Here we go, man:

    Number of
    degrees each
    Name of US
    4Cornell and PSU
    3Brown, Iowa, Oklahoma and Tulane
    2 Cincinnati, Indiana, Massachusetts, Minneapolis,
    Notre Dame, Texas, VPI, SUNY and Syracuse
    1 28 other universities, including Harvard and Yale

  • CHORUS: Enough already!
    So what about the EXPERIENCE of these dudes?

  • just a minute, that requires a rather complex matrix:


    number of
    minimum maximum mean
    teaching years as
    full prof.
    61 0 20 5.7 6.7 25 x 0 years
    ... number of
    55 1 14 3.8 7.0 13 x 1 institution
    research total number of
    60 1 94 23 21 ...
    ... number published
    in the 1980's
    46 0 14 3.4 3.7 9 x 0 publications
    ... number of
    18 - 19 7.2 4.5 4 x "yes"
    2 x 'many'
    ... total $'s
    in thousands
    15 - >1,000 304 317 ...
    administration years as chair
    or equivalent
    41 0 14 5.1 4.2 10 x 0 yrs
    5 x "yes"
    ... year in higher
    41 0 19 2.3 4.2 22 x 0 yrs
    5 x "yes"
    ... number of
    28 - 40 14 8 11 x "yes"
    4 x "many"

    Well, that's the end of the one page summary I found among my papers... You may well imagine my elation when the majority of the committee voted for promotion of our temporary dean to DEAN ...
    A dozen years of altercations followed and is partly summarized in another story. Its culmination was a recommendation by said dean to recommend to the president not to allow me to be considered as candidate for the position of chair "because of his (Oostdam's) limited administrative experience" ... and that while I earned the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania's "Excellence in Academic Services" Award in 1975 and served more than seven years as annually (re-)elected President of The Marine Science Consortium.

    P.S. My recommendation to have deans evaluated just like students and faculty are, was well-received but somehow disappeared .
    BLO fecit 20061023/4 - stories