Ben Oostdam story # 394
TEACHER AL_RESTED AT JFKThanks to Steve Berlin and a_Nonymous a_Uthor
A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy
International Airport as he attempted to board a flight while
in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square,
a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, the Attorney General said
he believes the man is a member of the notorious
He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI
with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a problem for us," the Attorney General said.
"They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes
go off on tangents in a search of absolute value.
They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and
refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined
they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval
with coordinates in every country.
As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say:
'There are 3 sides to every triangle.'"
When asked to comment on the arrest, Senator Obama said:
"If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction,
he would have given us more fingers and toes."
Democratic leaders told reporters they could not recall a more
intelligent or profound statement by the Senator.